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What is Love?
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Q:
What is love?
A : DIFFICULTY OF DEFINING
LOVE:
Love is one of the hardest words to define biblically.
For one thing, it is a very complex concept and cannot
adequately be explained in a simple definition. For another,
the concept of love has been so perverted by the world that
we have to spend quite a bit of time showing what love is
not in order to understand it. It is often confused with
emotional feelings and physical acts that are not love. In
order to understand love from God's standpoint, we must go
beyond our human opinions and seek the teaching of God's
word. Another reason for the misunderstanding of love comes
from the fact that many people have not fully experienced
biblical love and have little personal knowledge of it. For
these reasons, we have to approach the definition of love
carefully.
WHAT LOVE IS NOT:
Sometimes it is best to begin a definition by
establishing what it is not. This is especially important
when there are so many misconceptions of the meaning. Using
the letter, L, we will look at five things love is not.
- Love is not Lust. Lust is a physical craving for
something or someone. It is often fired by hormones and
just about as often leads to sin. James 1:15 states,
"Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin:
and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death."
What many people call love today is nothing more than
lust. We must distinguish
between the two.
- Love is not Like. Like refers to the act of finding
enjoyment in something. To like someone is not
necessarily a lower level of loving them. Like and love
are really referring to two different things. Although I
normally like those I love, it is not necessarily true.
Because of a family relationship, we may love someone
who we do not like to be around. I may care deeply for a
family member but find that I do not enjoy their
company. In reverse order, I may like someone (enjoy
their presence) and still not love them. We confuse this
by stating that we love things we really like. We like
ice cream or baseball, but we may say that we love them.
We will probably continue to say that we love these
things, but we should at least realize that we really
just like them.
- Love is not Longing. By longing, I am referring to
the emotional feeling that often accompanies love. I may
long to be with someone and that may be the result of my
love to them, but the longing itself is not love. It is
one of the natural outcomes of love. For instance, I
have heard people say that they did not want to continue
in a marriage because they no longer loved their spouse.
What they mean is that they no longer feel the emotional
attachment to their spouse. But love is not emotion. It
results in emotion. God commands a husband to love his
wife. A command is either obeyed or disobeyed and this
is the result of a decision or choice. It is not to be
ruled by emotion.
- Love is not Language. I include this because of the
many gullible souls that have identified love with a bit
of sweet talk. Sometimes true love is accompanied with
the language of love and sometimes it is not. And
sometimes it is just talk. John warned the believers,
"My little children, let us not love in word, neither in
tongue; but in deed and in truth" (1John 3:18). Bible
love is that which follows through in deed and in truth.
- Love is not Leniency. To be lenient is to not hold
others fully accountable for their actions. The worldly
'christians' of today see God's love as the act by which
He overlooks our sins and does not hold us responsible
for our actions. Just as bad parenting is often excused
by the statement, Boys will be boys, so we envision a
god who excuses our wickedness with, Well, sinners will
be sinners. But one who loves holds those they love
accountable for their actions--not to be bossy and
overbearing, but to help the one loved become what they
are capable of becoming. Love challenges the loved one
to grow.
WHAT LOVE IS:
So, what is a definition we can use for love? Generally
speaking, dictionary definitions are not much help here.
They define the word as people use the word today and that
is fine for common understanding, but they do not define the
word as God sees it. So, although my definition certainly
falls far short, it is the best I could come up with. Here
it is: Love is the choice to cherish and hold a thing, a
person, or a group of persons above others and to make
personal sacrifices for the sake of the one loved. This
definition falls far short, but it gets us moving in the
right direction. In order to make better sense of this
definition, we will look at seven characteristics of
biblical love.
THE CHARACTER OF LOVE:
- Love is a Choice. That is, we are not drawn into
love as by an invisible force. Rather, we choose to
love. The proof for this is found in the scriptural
commands to love. We are commanded to love God with all
our heart, to love our neighbor as ourselves, and to
love the brethren as Christ loved us. Husbands are
commanded to love their wives. If love must wait on some
overcoming emotion before it can operate, why did God
give us commands that we cannot obey? If I can love by
obeying God's commandments, then love is a choice I
make. A man who says he no longer loves his wife is
talking about the loss of an emotional feeling, but he
is really saying that he has chosen to love her no more.
He is not a victim; he is guilty of disobedience to God
in this matter. If we will remember that we can choose
to love in obedience to God, then we will have come a
long way in understanding love God's way.
- Love is expressed in Sacrifice. The most familiar of
Bible verses, John 3:16, tells us that God so loved the
world that He gave His Son. We know that He sacrificed
His Son because of His love to us. 1John 4:10 states,
"Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he
loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for
our sins." God's love is demonstrated by the sending of
His Son. This is always the case with true love. The
mother does without the new dress she wants so her
children can get some shoes. The man of God gives up
many of his pleasurable pursuits so he can minister to
those God has given him to love. The child takes their
own money to buy a present for Mom or Dad. Love is
expressed in our willingness to sacrifice our own
desires for the needs and even wishes of those we love.
- Love is Discriminatory. That is, love discriminates
in favor of the one loved. If I love my wife, I would
rather spend time with her than with the 'boys.'
Although we can love more than one person in certain
ways (like loving each of several children), love tends
to show favoritism. Jesus said, "No servant can serve
two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love
the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise
the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon" (Luke 16:13).
Mammon refers to the things of this world. We do not
have the capacity to love both the world and God at the
same time. As we turn to one, we turn away from the
other. We understand this very much in the realm of
sweethearts and especially marriage. Imagine that a
husband came home one day and told his wife: "Honey, I
love you with all my heart, but I have just met another
woman and I love her too." How would the wife take his
new love? Would there be room for two (or three or four)
loves in his life? Probably not. In fact, when told
this, she would probably come to the conclusion that he
really did not love her, no matter how much he spoke to
the contrary. Love discriminates in favor of the one
loved. To turn toward one in love is to turn away from
others.
- Love Stands Alone. This means that true love is not
simply a response to the love of another; it is an
expression that is given despite the response received.
When God loved the world, much of that love went
unreturned. But his love was just as real. Remember
1John 4:10: "Herein is love, not that we loved God, but
that he loved us, and sent his Son to be the
propitiation for our sins." He acted alone in His love.
True love acts before receiving love in return and
continues even if that love is not returned. It does not
require reciprocal love in order to survive.
- Love Begats Love. Though this may sound like the
opposite of the preceding point, both are true. Although
true love is given whether it is returned or not, it is
also the case that true love will bring the response of
love from others. Everyone will not love in return, but
love given will reap love from some. God loved us
despite our lack of love to Him, but we "love him,
because he first loved us" (1John 4:19). His love to us
encourages us to love Him in return. But love given does
more than that. Love given to one is in turn given to
another. If I love my children as they grow up, I am
teaching them to love their families when they are
older. 1John 4:11 adds this point: "Beloved, if God so
loved us, we ought also to love one another." God's love
to me becomes the reason for my love to others. Love is
both reflected back to the one who loves me and diffused
to others.
- Love is Strong. Song of Solomon 8:6 states that
"love is strong as death." That is an amazing
description of the power of love. But how does this
work? 1John 4:18 states, "There is no fear in love; but
perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath
torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love."
Perfect love casts out fear. A woman who is normally
fearful of many things may forget about these fears when
she sees one of her children in danger. Love removes
fear in the time of danger. It gives us strength to
stand against storm and foe.
- Love is Godliness. In the Christian life, love is
the height of our Christian experience. The Bible uses
the word charity to speak of the sacrificial love we are
to have for others. It is called the "bond of
perfectness" (Colossians 3:14). It is called the
greatest of the Christian virtues (1Corinthians 13:13)
and the end to which we all should endeavor to reach
(2Peter 1:5-7). But there is another reason we need to
see love as godliness. Scripture tells us that "God is
love" (1John 4:8, 16). If God is love, then the more we
conform to the ways of God, the more our life should be
characterized by love.
I know this is a lot to digest, but I could see no other
way to give an adequate definition of love as found in the
Bible. I hope this is a help to you.
Till He comes,
David F. Reagan
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