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Q:
The Bible teaches that we should respect and honor our
parents. If a father is an alcoholic and deserts his wife
and children are those children still obligated to honor
their father? Is a son or daughter then obligated to go to
that father when he is dying?
A:
I believe
Ephesians chapter six and verses one through four and also,
Colossians three and verses twenty and twenty-one will help
us answer this situation. These scriptures teach us
that it is right for children to obey and respect their
parents. However, fathers are commanded not to “provoke”
their children to anger or wrath. That tells me that there
must be some things that a father can do that will cause
anger in the heart of his children. God says that it will
cause those children to be discouraged. Those children may
have a very difficult time over coming the anger, bitterness
and resentment they may feel toward their father. In fact,
they may never get over it. The ideal reaction for the saved
adult who was wronged by their father when they were a child
is to forgive him just as Christ has forgiven him or her.
However, some are never able to fully and completely forgive
and forget what happened to them. Perhaps, those of us who
have not experienced what they experienced should not be
quick to judge them. Just love the person who is hurting and
pray that God will do a work in their heart so that they
might someday be able to forgive their father and let go of
the bitterness.
Also, the Bible does tell
us in Romans 12:18, “ If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live
peaceably with all men.” The implication here is that there are times
when you may not be able to get along with some folks. In those cases,
it is often best just to keep some distance between the two parties. Let’s
face facts, some personalities may have a very difficult time working closely
together. Recognize that there are some differences and problems
and just put some well planned distance between the offending personalities. In
the case of the dying alcoholic father, the son or daughter should not
feel obligated to visit their father. It would be good if they could
visit him just one last time. It really just depends on the individual
and where they are in their spiritual growth. They may not have grown
in the Lord enough yet so that they could be ready for this level of forgiveness. Who
knows maybe that father would want to make things right with his son or
daughter before he dies. But he also might not.
Till He Comes,
Pastor David F. Reagan