Proverbs 31 reveals the attributes of a virtuous woman (Proverbs 31:10). Though a virtuous woman possesses many wonderful traits, perhaps her greatest strength lies in the manner in which she speaks—with wisdom. This God-given wisdom enables her to refrain her lips from foolishness, instead choosing to edify others with her speech. Many people offer others advice and even wisdom, but this woman is said to speak with the “law of kindness” in her tongue. Not only does she speak wisely, but she presents this wisdom with the right spirit--the spirit of kindness. Apparently, when she speaks wisely, her words encourage others to listen and heed what she says. Her hearers want to receive her words and put them into practice. Why? Because she presents her words with this “law of kindness” much like those today who are “speaking the truth in love” (Ephesians 4:15).
Most sincere people, seeking opportunities to show kindness toward others, will generally have more opportunities than means. In fact, some instances will arise when helping others remains practically impossible. This is especially true when a financial need arises beyond the person's capacity to help. Does this mean kindness does not exist or that the individual lacks genuineness? No! Today's passage teaches a profound principle, “the desire of a man is his kindness.” Kindness is exemplified where there is a present desire to be kind toward others even though the individual may be without means to fulfil his desire to help. The passage ends by stating that “a poor man is better than a liar.” A man who desires to help but cannot do so is better than those who lie or deceive others about their true heart's intent to show kindness. Thankfully, God does not simply look at the outward act but can always see the heart's true desire, purpose, and motive!
Far too many of today's pundits sanction giving others whatever they want in an attempt to display true love. Parents have become increasingly trapped in this dilemma being convinced that they fail their children unless they give them every new gadget. The husbands thought to love the most are the ones who shower their wives with the most, the best, and do so frequently. The average person may find these scenarios reasonable, but they remain completely contrary to the word of God. In fact, the Bible expresses just the opposite. Today's passage reveals that a righteous man could actually smite someone with his words in kindness. A righteous man will always offer a rebuke (or correction) to those heading in the wrong direction. The intention of such a rebuke is to set the person back on the right track; true biblical kindness at work. Proverbs extols the virtues of those wounds gained when offered in the spirit of kindness and friendship (Proverbs 27:6). Kindness is never demonstrated by simply telling others what they want to hear but often confirmed through open rebuke (Proverbs 27:5).
Many people have so-called friends, but oftentimes these friendships are built upon weak support structures. Yet, testing the true depths of one's friendships can be quite challenging. The previous lesson pointed to the ease of making friends by showing yourself friendly. Yet, too many people focus on using material means to gain friendships. Money can buy friends but there remains that doubt concerning the true foundation of those relationships. The Bible teaches that “wealth maketh many friends” (Proverbs 19:4). This truth is further emphasized in Proverbs 14:20 where the Bible says, “the rich hath many friends.” This fact remains ever more prevalent as the days go on. Those who are rich will have many “friends,” while those who are poor have far fewer close associations. Unfortunately, “Every man is a friend to him that giveth gifts” (Proverbs 19:6). As long as there is money or gifts to be given, people will have “friends”; but as soon as the money runs out, the “friends” will be gone too. True friendships, however, may be gained by showing yourself friendly and will be cultivated through righteousness.
Very few people understand the simplicity involved in cultivating true friendships. In fact, far too many people emphasize the wrong factors when considering how to make friends. They look at one's appearance or charisma and attribute it as the key to making friends. Yet, the Bible points out a simple process as the key for gaining true friends. The one who makes friends simply must first “shew himself friendly.” Unapproachable people remain lonely and tend to miss out on much of what life has to offer. Those who struggle making friends should examine themselves to see whether or not they truly display themselves as friendly or more standoffish. People generally refuse to put forth the extra effort to get to know those who come across unwelcoming. People want to make friends with those who are approachable and there is no better way to make yourself approachable than to show yourself friendly. If a man does not appear to be friendly, others will pass him in their quest to cultivate lasting relationships.
Unfortunately, true lasting friendships seem increasingly difficult to cultivate and nurture in today's fast paced world. Yet, the interactions associated to true friendships remain important and healthy. There are many traits that define true friendships. Today's passage points out one of the primary features that constitute a true friend: “A friend loveth at all times.” This love is not to be confused with being dishonest in hopes of protecting the feelings of a friend. In fact, a true friend will offer a needed rebuke. This is why the Bible says, “faithful are the wounds of a friend” (Proverbs 27:6). True friends never allow current circumstances to determine the level of commitment to a relationship. A true friend will remain faithful when all others have betrayed or departed. This test of friendship has been the proving ground for many friends throughout the history of mankind. One need look no further than the prodigal son for evidence of such (Luke 15:11-24).
Some people seem unable to function without daily interaction with friends. Yet, others think such attachments overbearing and far too demanding. Unfortunately, the world frequently misconstrues what constitutes true friendship. Additionally, far too many times, friends abuse this important relationship. Social media sites even refer to one's mere acquaintances as “friends.” No wonder the world remains so confused concerning the essence of true biblical friendship. Regardless of one’s perspective on these matters, the Bible points out that there is One friend that man cannot do without and He is “a friend that sticketh closer than a brother" (Proverbs 18:24). This could simply refer to people who have friends more loyal than those in one's own family, but likely references the Lord. His level of commitment causes Him to be a friend to those deemed unlovable by the world. Simply consider what the Bible says about His sacrifice. Christ died on the cross for His enemies (Romans 5:10) so that they could become His friends (John 15:13-15). Truly, He is that “friend that sticketh closer than a brother.”
