Far too often what is done in the home under the guise of chastening is far from God’s scriptural pattern of discipline. This is nothing new. According to Hebrews 12:10, the Jewish fathers were guilty of chastening their children “after their own pleasure.” Two major problems commonly surface in the discipline implemented in the home: (1) the reason for correction and (2) the motive in correction. According to God’s pattern, parents should never discipline their children because of an annoyance but because of a direct violation of a known law. This is God’s way and should be the consistent practice of godly parents. In addition to this, godly parents should follow God’s pattern and chasten in love for the sake of the child.
God designed and intended for biblical chastening to have righteousness as its intended outcome. Recipients of chastening may find the process grievous, but “afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby.” The process may not be at all enjoyable or peaceable, yet the Bible affirms that the outcome is peace. A careful look at the word chasten provides this insight. The root word for chasten is the word chaste. The end goal for those being chastened is that they would become chaste. Chastening is intended to be a purification process that corrects the wrongs for which it was initially implemented. It always leaves the recipient that endures the chastening a stronger and purer person than before the process began.
One who has little understanding of chastening might suggest that God’s chastening is an act born of hatred, but it actually represents an overflowing love from the heart of God. God expresses His motives for chastening His children in Hebrews 12:6 when He says, “For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth.” Again in Revelation 3:19 the Lord says, “As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten.” This again displays a distinction between punishment and chastening. The source of punishment could be construed as anger, justice, or wrath, but the motive of true biblical chastening involves the purest form of love. This means that chastening does not merely benefit the one implementing the chastening, but takes place for the good of the one chastened.
Chastening is not merely a means of judgment implemented by the Lord for wrongdoing, but also serves as a proof of sonship. According to Hebrews 12:6, at some point in every child of God’s life, he will experience the chastening hand of the Lord. Any individual able to freely do wrong without God’s chastening should examine whether or not he is in the faith. The absence of chastening suggests that a person is not a son of God (Hebrews 12:8). Just as any good father will not allow his son to get away with wrongdoing, God the Father does not allow His children to do wrong without suffering the consequences of such actions. Chastisement may be delayed, but it is inevitable.
In the most basic sense, punishment is directed toward those who have done wrong. Though any particular punishment may seem harsh by those receiving the punishment, God intended it to be a calculated response toward wrongdoing. Though there are some passages in the Old Testament that indicate punishment was directed toward the people of God (Ezra 9:13; Hosea 12:2), the vast majority of references demonstrate that it was intended for the enemies of God (Psalm 149:7; Proverbs 11:21; Isaiah 10:12; Isaiah 13:11; Isaiah 24:21; Isaiah 26:21; Isaiah 27:1; Jeremiah 25:12; Jeremiah 46:25). A careful study of the New Testament will strengthen the distinction as there are no references to God punishing His people.
Chastening is best associated to a parent-child relationship (Deuteronomy 8:5; 2 Samuel 7:14; Proverbs 13:24; Proverbs 19:18; Hebrews 12:6-8). As such, God’s chastening, at least within the New Testament, is only intended for those He calls His sons (1 John 3:2). God chastens His children, not to administer justice, but to strengthen and correct them. The believer does not receive some type of punishment from the Lord resulting from the believer’s sins because these sins have been completely atoned through the shed blood of Christ. However, the saint’s continued practice of sin requires the chastening hand of the Lord in order to conform him into the image of Christ. While chastening is reserved exclusively for sons, a lost man receives only punishment or salvation.
It is difficult for new and sometimes older Christians to fully comprehend sin's effects. From God’s perspective, every facet of sin involves a vile act. However, from man’s viewpoint, though sin can be extremely harmful, the temporary pleasures (Hebrews 11:25) distract from sin's injurious nature. For instance, Proverbs 6:24 warns about the “evil woman.” We might think this to mean that we should stay away from women who say bad things, yet the evil woman does not always speak negatively. In fact, this woman is said to speak with flattery; she says nice things but with impure motives. This warning is so important that it was given on multiple occasions (Proverbs 2:16; Proverbs 6:24; Proverbs 7:5, 21). The warning here is given specifically about a strange woman (a woman other than the man’s wife), but it applies to men and women alike. We ought to always be on guard about those who flatter us with their words.
Nobody likes to spend time around those who act in a rude or insulting manner. Most people would rather spend people-time with those who focus on saying nice things. However, the truth is that one is just as spiritually dangerous to one's well-being as the other. This is why the Bible warns us to “meddle not with him that flattereth with his lips.” Flattery is directly connected to deceit and covetousness; therefore, God intends for His warning to help Christians avoid people who say nice things deceitfully. These people intend to take advantage of their target. Far too many people have been mistreated and lied to by others whom they thought to be dear friends. It is best to avoid those with flattering lips.
Today's passage proves the Bible truth that our thoughts are not God’s thoughts, neither our ways His ways (Isaiah 55:8-9). God's thoughts are always unimaginably loftier than ours. Unlike God, our thoughts are bound by our limited knowledge. Contrary to the Lord’s, our knowledge is easily corrupted through various influences. This is why scripture reading and preaching often conflicts with our natural thought process. For instance, our natural mind considers rebuke something harmful, negatively affecting the person receiving it. We also naturally consider flattery as something beneficial and uplifting to the recipient. Yet, we have already seen how flattery can be harmful, but have you ever considered the superiority of a rebuke? The Bible says rebuke is better because of what it yields “afterwards.” In the long run, rebuke is far superior to flattery.
Biblical terminology is very important. For example, ignorance of Bible vocabulary has led people to believe that flattery is considerate if it makes others feel good. Yet, the picture presented by scripture is contrary to this line of thinking. Flattery harms both the giver and the recipient. According to scripture, “A lying tongue hateth those that are afflicted by it; and a flattering mouth worketh ruin” (Proverbs 26:28). While we have been led to believe flattery edifies, in reality, it destroys. This truth is confirmed in Proverbs 29:5 where the Bible says, “A man that flattereth his neighbour spreadeth a net for his feet.” Even the flatterer is harmed by his flattery: “He that speaketh flattery to his friends, even the eyes of his children shall fail” (Job 17:5). Without a doubt, flattery harms all those involved.
