In a world filled with competition and pride, the peacemaker is often wrongly accused of being unable to handle the conflict or the fight. This is why many people consider backing down from strife a sign of weakness. Once again, God and man are at complete opposite ends of the spectrum. While many men consider it commendable to continue strife, God thinks it honourable to cease from strife. In other words, the greater man or woman brings conflict to a close rather than further instigating it. According to the Bible, it is a fool who continues to meddle in hopes of prolonging the conflict. It is up to each believer to determine whether to accept God’s way or man’s way of thinking.
No doubt about it: the world is full of problems. Every day, people choose to say and do things that they should not say or do. Their actions contain all of the necessary ingredients for strife. The Bible says a wrathful man looks for the possibility of strife and does whatever necessary to stir it up (Proverbs 15:18). Why does he do this? The Bible points out that he is proud of heart (Proverbs 28:25) and full of hatred (Proverbs 10:12). The Bible further describes this work in Proverbs 26:20-21 where it says, “Where no wood is, there the fire goeth out: so where there is no talebearer, the strife ceaseth. As coals are to burning coals, and wood to fire; so is a contentious man to kindle strife.” A contentious man seeks to rekindle the flames as he notices the fires of strife beginning to be extinguished.
During Bible times, even the average individual understood a great deal concerning agriculture. This meant that the laws of sowing and reaping were quite familiar to them. They understood that sowing seed was done in hopes of reaping a harvest of that which was sown. Today’s passage explains that the froward man chooses to sow strife. In other words, there are some in society who look for strife and where it does not exist, they will sow the seeds of strife so that it sprouts even where it did not originally exist. Why would they do this? Some people revel in seeing the fruits of arguments, wars, strife, envy, debate, and other such things. The froward man simply finds a way to instigate problems and exploit situations by creating lies or exaggerations to accomplish his sordid purposes.
Understanding man’s true nature makes today’s verse understandable and comprehensible. Ignoring the true reality of man’s constitution will lead the reader to refuse this Bible truth. Surely no man, woman, boy, or girl would love strife! Strife seems to be contrary to something we would deem lovable. After all, the Bible likens strife to the bars of a castle (Proverbs 18:19), creating a prison for some and an impossible barrier for others. It is birthed through pride (Proverbs 13:10) and harms those most innocent (Exodus 21:22-25). With these thoughts in mind, how could anyone love strife? The answer is quite simple. Man’s flesh desires to rebel against the laws of God. It finds pleasure in transgression and satisfaction in displeasing the Lord. So man, although aware of strife’s downfalls and pitfalls, craves strife and the resultant conflict.
In Bible times, the greatest form of defence for a city was to remain strong and surrounded by high walls. If a people group or nation had high walls and a strong city, they were extremely difficult to conquer. During these times, the barriers were imperative for a strong national defense. The Lord considered this scenario as an appropriate picture to demonstrate the state of an offended brother, resulting from contention. The Lord likens this contention to the bars on a castle. Even if the enemy were capable of getting into the strong city, other obstacles existed making it impossible to break through to its core. These included the bars erected to avoid someone from entering the castle. In like manner, contention makes it almost impossible to break through to the heart of an offended brother.
There are times when strife remains an unavoidable option; however, no believer should ever strive with others without a just cause and purpose. Today’s passage gives instructions for dealing with a neighbour as this relationship is more likely than any other to encounter strife. The Lord instructs a man to never devise evil against his neighbour. In like manner, a man should never instigate strife when his neighbour has done him no harm. There are many examples in the Bible of those who chose not to heed this admonition. Nabal, the husband of Abigail, was a wicked man who refused to provide provisions for David’s men (1 Samuel 25:1-38). David and his men had done no harm to Nabal or his belongings. In fact, David’s men had been a blessing and help to Nabal’s shepherds. Fortunately, the wisdom of Nabal’s wife subdued David’s desire for strife.
Contention comes when two parties have conflicting desires or points of view and are unwilling to amicably resolve them. Oftentimes, pride hinders either party from admitting their errors or even the possibility of their being partially to blame. Contention ceases in the absence of pride. When Rehoboam, Solomon’s son, became king, the people of God came to him requesting relief from the heavy burden of taxes that had been placed upon them by Solomon. The older men counselled Rehoboam to do as the people requested, but the younger men instructed Rehoboam to reject the wishes of the people. Rehoboam contentiously responded to the people’s request with pride; strife understandably followed (1 Kings 12:1-16).
Many people have so-called friends, but oftentimes these friendships are built upon weak support structures. Yet, testing the true depths of one's friendships can be quite challenging. The previous lesson pointed to the ease of making friends by showing yourself friendly. Yet, too many people focus on using material means to gain friendships. Money can buy friends but there remains that doubt concerning the true foundation of those relationships. The Bible teaches that “wealth maketh many friends” (Proverbs 19:4). This truth is further emphasized in Proverbs 14:20 where the Bible says, “the rich hath many friends.” This fact remains ever more prevalent as the days go on. Those who are rich will have many “friends,” while those who are poor have far fewer close associations. Unfortunately, “Every man is a friend to him that giveth gifts” (Proverbs 19:6). As long as there is money or gifts to be given, people will have “friends”; but as soon as the money runs out, the “friends” will be gone too. True friendships, however, may be gained by showing yourself friendly and will be cultivated through righteousness.
Very few people understand the simplicity involved in cultivating true friendships. In fact, far too many people emphasize the wrong factors when considering how to make friends. They look at one's appearance or charisma and attribute it as the key to making friends. Yet, the Bible points out a simple process as the key for gaining true friends. The one who makes friends simply must first “shew himself friendly.” Unapproachable people remain lonely and tend to miss out on much of what life has to offer. Those who struggle making friends should examine themselves to see whether or not they truly display themselves as friendly or more standoffish. People generally refuse to put forth the extra effort to get to know those who come across unwelcoming. People want to make friends with those who are approachable and there is no better way to make yourself approachable than to show yourself friendly. If a man does not appear to be friendly, others will pass him in their quest to cultivate lasting relationships.
Unfortunately, true lasting friendships seem increasingly difficult to cultivate and nurture in today's fast paced world. Yet, the interactions associated to true friendships remain important and healthy. There are many traits that define true friendships. Today's passage points out one of the primary features that constitute a true friend: “A friend loveth at all times.” This love is not to be confused with being dishonest in hopes of protecting the feelings of a friend. In fact, a true friend will offer a needed rebuke. This is why the Bible says, “faithful are the wounds of a friend” (Proverbs 27:6). True friends never allow current circumstances to determine the level of commitment to a relationship. A true friend will remain faithful when all others have betrayed or departed. This test of friendship has been the proving ground for many friends throughout the history of mankind. One need look no further than the prodigal son for evidence of such (Luke 15:11-24).
