Marriage involves a relationship between a man and a woman, but what constitutes a scriptural marriage? Scripturally speaking, it is not merely “flesh joining flesh.” This is plain in that a man could marry a wife only to find that she had been unfaithful with another man to whom she was not married (Deuteronomy 24:1; Matthew 5:32). It is also clear that Shechem defiled Dinah, but then asked if she could become his wife (Genesis 34:1-4). The woman at the well had an improper relationship with a man, but the Lord declared that that particular man was not her husband (John 4:16-18). Instead, marriage occurs when God joins a man and a woman (Genesis 2:21-24; Mark 10:9), and it is often established by a ceremony with vows given to each other (Matthew 22:1-13; John 2:1-2).
God instituted marriage and He alone has the right to establish the rightful candidates to join together in this or any other union. Man has no God-given right to interfere with the precepts of God. Everything in creation declares that marriage always includes only a relationship between one man and one woman. Additionally, the marriage bounds are not subject to popular vote of society nor subject to modification by any court or law of the land. Its conditions are set by the highest law and the highest court. God could have presented Adam with another man, but He did not. In God’s eyes, marriage is a specific relationship fulfilled only between one man and one woman (Genesis 2:21-23), and any deviation of this is unseemly and an abomination to God (Leviticus 18:22; Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:26-27).
No believer should knowingly marry an unbeliever (2 Corinthians 6:14). Additionally, the unmarried should look for other strengths and weaknesses in a prospective spouse before agreeing to marriage. Oftentimes, these strengths and weaknesses can be seen by interaction with the other’s parents. Isaac lied about Rebekah (Genesis 26:6-7) just as his father Abraham lied about Sarah (Genesis 12:10-13; Genesis 20:1-2). Solomon’s weakness for women (1 Kings 11:1) was first witnessed in his father David (2 Samuel 11:1-4). Rachel learned deception (Genesis 31:32-35) by watching her father act deceptively (Genesis 29:25). A careful observation of parents can reveal prospective problems in a future spouse.
Like other callings upon a person’s life, God prepares men and women for marriage. Obviously, God prepares the heart, but He also prepares other areas in order to provide for a strong home. When God created Adam, He could have immediately created Eve, but He chose to allow Adam to experience the sense of being alone. Perhaps there are other reasons, but God may have thought it wise to prepare Adam for marriage. He needed to experience life without Eve. Adam needed to come to the place where he desired companionship. He needed to be alone before he could truly appreciate a wife. In addition to the preparation of Adam’s heart, the Lord gave him a job, a means by which he could provide for Eve (Genesis 2:8-9, 15). All of these preparations were necessary for a strong marriage relationship.
The godly choice of whom to marry likely will never again be as obvious as it was for Adam and Eve. Yet, the wrong choice can and will usually bring disastrous outcomes along with lifelong consequences. Wise counsel to avoid pitfalls related to bad choices is vitally important! Samson’s choice was ultimately of the Lord, but not because it was wise. His parents knew that his decision was fleshly and attempted to redirect him. Esau rebelliously sought a wife that would never meet his parents’ approval (Genesis 28:6-9). Throughout the Old Testament, parents were involved in the process of choosing the right spouse for their children. It may not be a direct command from God, but it remains a wise principle to follow. Parents are not always right, but the Lord is pleased to use them in this decision-making process.
God made man with the natural desire for companionship. Similar to all of God’s other creation; the world, the flesh, and the Devil have corrupted the method by which this desire is consummated. God created Adam as a single man. As time elapsed, it became obvious that Adam did not need to be alone but needed a wife. Although the details do vary from situation to situation, the principles of God’s provisions for companionship for Adam provide superior guidelines for someone seeking the same relationship today. Adam found a wife when the Lord brought Eve to him and not the other way around. Adam too did not go searching for a wife, but God brought her to him. Though times have changed, God can and will do the same today for those who faithfully love and serve Him.
In the Christian warfare, there are times where strife is both necessary and right. There are things for which preachers, teachers, moms and dads, and young people need to take a stand even if taking a stand brings about conflict. These particular positions are only to take place in times where the stand is good and profitable unto men (Titus 3:8). Unfortunately, most conflict, especially amongst the religious, falls under a completely different category. It often stems from “foolish questions, and genealogies, and contentions, and strivings about the law” and these strivings “are unprofitable and vain” (Titus 3:9). Before entering into conflict, the believer should question the possible profit gained in such a battle.
The Lord gave laws to protect innocent life and punish those guilty of harming others. In the midst of these laws, the Bible has a section devoted to a scenario of what might occur when two men strive with each other. During their conflict, they might hurt a woman who was with child causing her to lose her unborn child. The conflict is literal or physical and the problems resulting are literal or physical, but one cannot miss the spiritual truth disclosed. When two people strive, those not even involved in the initial conflict suffer consequences. Before two people decide to take part in strife, they would be wise to consider how their contentious behaviour affects the innocent people around them.
In Bible times, the greatest form of defence for a city was to remain strong and surrounded by high walls. If a people group or nation had high walls and a strong city, they were extremely difficult to conquer. During these times, the barriers were imperative for a strong national defense. The Lord considered this scenario as an appropriate picture to demonstrate the state of an offended brother, resulting from contention. The Lord likens this contention to the bars on a castle. Even if the enemy were capable of getting into the strong city, other obstacles existed making it impossible to break through to its core. These included the bars erected to avoid someone from entering the castle. In like manner, contention makes it almost impossible to break through to the heart of an offended brother.
As Abram and Lot travelled together, it became increasingly obvious that the multitude of their possessions would make it difficult for them to dwell together. Eventually, the herdmen of the two men began to strive with each other over the pastures for their cattle. No doubt, both groups of herdmen were primarily concerned with the well-being of their own master’s cattle. Neither was willing to compromise their own needs or wishes in order to accommodate the needs of the other group. As Abram witnessed the relationship decay, he knew that he must concede to the inevitability of separating the two groups. He asked Lot to choose another piece of land in which to dwell.
